Recently my wife told me that she didn't love me anymore later I found out that there was an emotional relationship with someone online. This really flew out of left field because I thought that everything was fine and blam one day. She says that I never pay attention to her but if that where true then I wouldn't have noticed that anything was wrong. What should I do. We have 2 beautiful children that we both love dearly. We are currently attending marriage counselling but this guy keeps sending her texts and probably emails too I really dont know.

She has told me that she has put him aside until she figures out what she wants to do.

Should I give her a chance to figure out what to do or should I tell her to leave.

I will tell you that if she leaves she's not getting the kids.

I have had that happen before where you think everything is fine and then one day blam they tell you that they do not love you anymore. I did not have kids but I am sure that only makes it hurt all the more and makes it more diffcult, it was hard because he did have kids and I had grown to love them like my own. Anyway, I would say give her the time but put a limit on it. DO not sit around for years waiting for her to decide what she wants, because that is just a way to have the cake and eat it too. I am not saying that you would do this, but above all do not use the kids as a leverage tool. I am sure that you would not but sometimes even with the best of intentions that kind of thing ends up happening and there ends up being more hurt in the end. Not trying to be mean just trying to be honest with you.

Bottom line is if she feels after she has had time that it is over then you are best to walk away and if it is meant to be things will turn around and if not cherish your kids and give them as much love and support as you can through whatever may happen. I cme from divorced parents and I know that it can sometimes be rough on kids and they see and hear more then you know.

I hope this helps and I wish you the best in your situation.

Hey Drew, I am new here, but I wanted to respond to your posting.  I am sure that you must be hurting so much, but here is my advice.  Ask your wife what she means by "you never pay any attention to her".  Ask her what kind of attention she wants, then see if you can't make it a goal to give her some of that type of attention. 

We women are wired so differently than you men, and so we see and perceive things differently.  If you can figure out how to see things from her perspective, that might help you to be able to change your marriage, and this may encourage her, and she could grow also, and decide that staying with you is what is best.

Marriage is hard work.  Sometimes love seems to have completely disappeared, and we are left heart broken and disillusioned.  Often (in my experience, anyway) leaving seems like an easier answer. But children suffer so when marriages break up.  And since we have been entrusted with our beautiful children, we bear the responsibility (as adults) to do what we must to protect them from unnecessary pain.  I have been married for thirteen years, and all of them have been filled with struggles.  I wanted to leave many times.  But as I have stayed, we have grown.  And our kids have seen us work through things that have given them hope.  May the two of you find that it is better to work out things together than to abandon the union and harm the children.

i'm almost in the same situation as your wife. the only difference is that, I'm not emotionally involve with someone right now. I've been wanting to get some space from my husband lately because of him being so controlling yet could not afford to listen when I try to open up about it. I told myself, the more I resent him, the more likely my feelings for him will fade. So, when we get the chance to talk in person, I'll ask him to give me that space so I can sort things out. Maybe, you should give your wife that space as well.

Phoebz

I am sorry to hear about your problems. I hope things will work themselves out!