You had a great date, but he didn't ask for another? One woman uncovers some surprising reasons why men don't get in touch again... 

Barry and I went out on three dates. We had a really good time. Or at least, I thought we did. After the third date, I never heard from him again.

That was four years ago, when Sex and the City writer Greg Behrendt came out with the book, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Guide to Understanding Guys. So even though I was pretty certain that Barry had been into me, I was forced to concede he wasn't.

Fast forward to last week, when my friend Lexie tells me she's working with Barry. "He said he had a really great time with you, and you had some really fun dates," Lexie said. "But he met the woman he married when he started dating you. As a matter of fact, you were the last woman he ever dated."

Wow. I hadn't read the Barry situation wrong-we did have a good time. It was just that he also happened to meet his wife, then marry her and have a baby with her. I liked Barry-but not that much. I'm glad I didn't stand in the way of his meeting his one true love.

The story with Barry got me to thinking about the times when a guy doesn't call, but it's not because he's "just not that into you." There are other reasons he hasn't called besides the fact that it's a hurtful, personal rejection.

1. He's dating someone else 
In this era of dating, most people have more than one pot on the fire. It's the "good ones" who realize that if you're going to date someone seriously, you have to focus on just one person. So maybe he hasn't called you back because after only one date with you, and four with someone else, he's going to give that woman a try. That's not a bad guy; it's a smart one. If you're meant to be, he'll be back.

2. He's indisposed
Sometimes when a guy doesn't call, you hope maybe he was abducted by aliens or imprisoned somewhere-any excuse besides, "He just didn't like you." And sometimes there is another reason. My friend Beth recently got a note from a man went AWOL after a few dates. "Sorry I've been out of touch, but I was laid up in the hospital with a back injury," he wrote. Beth says as long as he brings a doctor's note on her next date, it's all good.

3. He's got other priorities
My pal Jackie dated a man four years her junior and, after a few weeks of great chemistry but avoidant behavior, he told her, "Look, I really, really like you, but your career is on track, and mine's not, and that's my priority." It wasn't just a line. Turned out no woman could take him away from his career goals at that time in his life.

4. He recently got out of a relationship
Some people believe that the man of your dreams will recognize you no matter what his life situation. But a guy who just endured a difficult divorce - or suffered a recent breakup - may not be ready for a relationship. Even if he thinks he is.

Alice dated Tom a year after he separated from his wife, but during their seven months together, Tom's divorce didn't go through, and even worse, he was always running to his ex when she called. He wanted to be with Alice but was too distracted and confused to be consistent with her. Sometimes a man isn't ready for a relationship yet, and in Alice's case, she'd have been better off if he hadn't kept calling.

5. It's logistically problematic
Lisa met a guy who was moving. To Saudi Arabia. Despite the chemistry, he refused to get involved. "He didn't want a long-distance relationship," she said. There are some who believe that love conquers all, but others realize the stars - geography, timing, age - must be aligned for a relationship to work. Ultimately, there are a dozen reasons a guy might not call after a date, but it doesn't mean the relationship is doomed. Not every date results in a fantastic experience and a follow-up call the next day. Even if things don't play out in the scenario that you believe should play out-that doesn't mean there isn't potential for it to work out. Keep in mind, every situation is unique. There are no universal rules. 

So next time you're sitting by the phone, remember that there are dozens of reasons why it's your mom calling (again) and not last night's date. And those forces keeping him from calling may have absolutely nothing to do with you. And, if you're in the right relationship, you'll know it-and it won't be based on whether he called the next day. 

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